jeffy

To the extent that LJ is about whining and kvetching about how sub-optimal one's world is. My sub-optimality is all demotivational and ineffectual. Feeling mud-stuck and pissed about it. I keep letting myself bog down in lowest-energy activities: sleep, lying abed, trying to finish reading the internet. The times I've levered myself up into doing something of value I am derailed by the merest hint of an obstacle and crashed back to low energy land. I recognize the pattern, and in recognizing it see that it has been a while since I've been here. I'd sort of noticed before that things were a bit less murky, but from down here in the silt the contrast is striking. Was it just NRE? If so, then I'm baffled and embarrassed by how fragile that makes my depression. Or how malleable, since clearly it wasn't broken, only temporarily nudged aside. Why is it so hard to do that from within?

Bah. Think I'll go take a shower and see if work and chores look more surmountable on the other side of a tank-load of hot water.