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( The Test )
That's up (as in more depressed) a bit from the last time I checked. A number of reasons why that might be.
On the shrink front, I had a couple of sessions since the last one I wrote about. The drawing exercise I reported in that same entry seemed to introduce a significant crack* in the wall between Jack (left brain) and Algie (right brain) resulting in increased integration and attendant productivity for a while afterwards. Huh. I haven't really continued that probably for all the usual reasons (fear, fear, and fear), but it felt like a new approach had opened up and like I needed some time to explore it. A couple of weeks of feeling the same way when I visited Shrink made me switch to "I'll come see you when I know what I want to talk about again". As I should have been able to predict, this has translated into me not really working very hard on anything ever since and backsliding toward the old local minimum. This makes me feel dumb for quitting when I was making some progress, but also frustrated because I need to get over needing external accountability to get anything done.
Work drama is the message that we'll have 20% layoffs sometime this month. Huge motivator, that.
* My fellow SU junkies will know why it gave me pause when I noticed I'd used that word.
That's up (as in more depressed) a bit from the last time I checked. A number of reasons why that might be.
- Tweaked med dosage in consultation with doc back down from 225 to 150mg. Am definitely feeling the difference from that. Haven't decided yet whether the difference is acceptable or if I need the extra help still.
- Decided to take a break from Shrink. More about that below.
- Impending work drama
On the shrink front, I had a couple of sessions since the last one I wrote about. The drawing exercise I reported in that same entry seemed to introduce a significant crack* in the wall between Jack (left brain) and Algie (right brain) resulting in increased integration and attendant productivity for a while afterwards. Huh. I haven't really continued that probably for all the usual reasons (fear, fear, and fear), but it felt like a new approach had opened up and like I needed some time to explore it. A couple of weeks of feeling the same way when I visited Shrink made me switch to "I'll come see you when I know what I want to talk about again". As I should have been able to predict, this has translated into me not really working very hard on anything ever since and backsliding toward the old local minimum. This makes me feel dumb for quitting when I was making some progress, but also frustrated because I need to get over needing external accountability to get anything done.
Work drama is the message that we'll have 20% layoffs sometime this month. Huge motivator, that.
* My fellow SU junkies will know why it gave me pause when I noticed I'd used that word.